DISCLAIMER: My editor is currently on vacation in Mykonos—so if you notice any major spelling/grammar errors, you can blame her for taking an untimely vacation. Cheers!
Hello, friends! Welcome back to the Monday Edition of Yeah Right: the newsletter. As always, we have A LOT of stuff to unpack this week—so strap the fuck in, and let’s get this show on the road, BABY!
Last Week’s News, Today
Sean Baker’s newest film, Red Rocket, FINALLY has a trailer—and does it ever look WILD! This is Baker’s first film since 2017’s The Florida Project, making this his second collaboration in a row with the holy god of film-bro cinema, A24. As a certified loser who buys copious amounts of A24 merchandise on a regular basis, I’m beyond excited to once again suck A24’s dick while simultaneously cheering on the film’s star, Simon Rex.
I really hope that Rex’s performance is well received because 1. In the eyes of many, this is a terrible casting and I want Rex to defy the odds AND 2. I used to religiously listen to his comedy hip hop group, Three Loco—
APPARENTLY, things are looking very, VERY good for Simon Rex thus far. I’ve seen QUITE a few critics praise Rex’s SMASHING performance already, even going as far as to throw out the idea of “Academy Award WINNER, Simon Rex” 🤭🤭🤭. This wouldn’t be the first time an “unusual” casting paid off for A24—just look at Adam Sandler/Uncut Gems, Robert Pattinson/Good Time, and Bria Vinaite/The Florida Project), to name a few…
Anyway, my expectations for this film are through the ROOF! It’s not my fault that Sean Baker has NEVER missed! Tangerine and The Florida Project are certified boppalinis in my book, and I don’t expect Red Rocket to be any different.
Mikey, a wildly narcissistic former porn star fallen on hard times, has returned from L.A. to his depressed, postindustrial hometown of Texas City, reconnecting with his skeptical, drug-dependent estranged wife and mother-in-law, and using his wily charms to ingratiate himself into a community of people he couldn’t care less about.
Unless you were living under a rock last Monday, you are probably more than aware that Facebook/Instagram/Whatsapp were offline for a couple of hours. As someone who maintains a VERY healthy social media addiction, this outage put me into a red scare level panic 😮💨. How the fuck am I supposed to stare at photos of Bella Hadid if INSTAGRAM is down?! THANK GOD I had access to Twitter dot com (aka the best website ever made)…
ADELE IS BACK! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! ADELE IS BACK! After vanishing into the abyss for like…6 years (?), Adele is starting to roll out teasers for her forthcoming album, 30. According to Adele, the album is about (*British accent*) “divorce, babe, divorce”. As a superfan of Marriage Story, divorce is my SHIT and I am going to bust 30 nuts to celebrate 30’s divorce theme.
The most shocking part of Adele’s comeback though is that she is JUST NOW turning 30! This entire time I thought Adele was at LEAST 35. So you can probably imagine my surprise when I learned she is only 8 years older than me. Even though I may be clinically stupid, I CANNOT wait to be (*British accent*) rolling balls deep in some smashing hits, baby! 💆🏼♂️🌊🏌🏻♂️
Kim Kardashian (West 🙄) hosted SNL…and she fucking SMASHED IT 🤯🔥—
AND!!! Please Don’t Destroy made their first sketch! I noticed a few people comparing this to the early days of Andy Samberg/The Lonely Island on SNL…and I completely agree. That was also probably the last time SNL was worth watching. So this is definitely not a coincidence!
Let’s just hope SNL continues to give these fine gentlemen the screen time they DESERVE! This sketch may not be for everyone, and that’s (not) ok! Just know I will John F. Kennedy your dad next time he’s driving down my street if you don’t love these dudes…🤪🤙🔫
Ladies, be honest…would you let this man Willy your Wonka? 😮💨😳💦
THANK GOD! A new podcast that *might* actually be worth listening to! If one more person recommends some random/shitty podcast to me, I will intentionally overdose on heroin. And I’m not kidding!
Honestly, I think Lindsay’s foray into the podcasting galaxy *will* actually be VERY good—unless she doesn't spill the tea, of course. I want juicy gossip, cocaine stories, sex crimes…ALL OF IT! I know she probably doesn’t want to get sued and all that…you know…legal shit, but dicks get clicks, Lindsay!
I just want to see my queen back on top again, you know? 🥺
Paranormal Activity is coming back AGAIN (*sigh*). The first…idk…four (?) Paranormal Activity movies were scary as SHIT because they made you think, “hmmm, yeah I could see myself getting haunted like a mf at some point down the road”. When I watched Paranormal Activity as a 13-year-old, the possibility of a ghost fucking up my shit up in the middle of the night seemed VERY REAL. THAT is what made Paranormal Activity ACTUALLY scary! The found footage era of horror movies thrived on that sort of thing—REALITY…realism…relatability…etc.
Thus, unless you strangely have ties back to the Amish community, Paranormal Activity: Next of Kin won’t be scary in the slightest.
I am just BEYOND upset that they butchered the reboot this badly! Lord knows Paramount will make a shit ton of money putting out this passable garbage. Good horror movies are really hard to come by these days, sadly 🙃.
Side note: Amish people are, objectively speaking, the scariest group of people on the planet. And no, I won’t be elaborating on that.
When I was in high school, I had the worst, most QUESTIONABLE taste in music. I listened to every white rapper under the sun: Eminem, Mac Miller, Logic, G-Eazy, Macklemore, The Lonely Island, Three Loco…and so on.
I am SO embarrassed to admit that I was…THE WORST?! What the hell was wrong with me?! If my child listened to that shit, I would “accidentally” drop them into a deep fryer???? Thankfully, I have developed slightly better taste in all aspects of my life as I have grown to be very old (I am 22).
And because I refuse to let go of the past, I still pay close attention to my former faves…praying on their downfall every night before bed 🙏🏼😫. And what do you know, last week my prayers were answered. My favourite artist from grade 10/11, G-Eazy 🤮, experienced what some would call a tremendous DOWNFALL!
Proof:
These Things Happen Too (2021), the sequel to G-Eazy’s debut album, These Things Happen (2014), sold 19.4k album-equivalent units in its first week. That’s REALLY fucking bad, LOL!
To put things in perspective, here are the first-week album-equivalent unit sales for…
These Things Happen (2014): 47,000
Basically, G-Eazy’s album fucking FLOPPED…HARD! A fall from grace? Unclear. A fall from mediocrity? Absolutely.
ALSO…
Remember this? LMAO—
That Damn Daniel kid definitely has something to do with this. I’m not sure how, but I just KNOW IT WAS HIM! People really saw mf’s get shot in the head wearing these shits and thought “Lemme snag a pair of these bad boys”. Sorry, like…WHAT!? Catch me wearing a pair of slip-on Vans to the police station where I will be turning myself in for poor taste 💅.
Article Of The Week
WARNING!!!! Prepare to read about some of the most insufferable people…ever!
Album Of The Week
Alternative rap duo Paris Texas released their 2ND PROJECT of the year, Red Akimbo, last Wednesday. Much like their first project, Boy Anonymous, Paris Texas delivers some high-energy alternative…rap (?) once again. The more I listen, the more I think, “Yeah, this is definitely red flag music if I’ve ever heard it”. Regardless, this shit SLAPS! Also, Paris Texas has pumped out some of the best music videos I have seen in the past few years. Exhibit A—
Tweets Of The Week
Okay, that’s all. Bye!
xoxo
J.O.