I'm Addicted To Silk Chiffon

Happy Monday. Welcome Back To Hell!

Bonjour, mes amis! Welcome back to the Monday Edition of Yeah Right: the newsletter. As always, A LOT of shit happened this past week. So strap the fuck in and let’s get this show on the road!

News Of The Week

As reported by Page Six, Elon Musk and Grimes have officially split up. That’s right, Silicon Valley’s ONLY “It couple” has called it quits. (I’m pretty sure the Tesla offices are in Texas, but Silicon Valley really doesn’t have an “It couple”, so this is a convenient storyline for me to make up). I, for one, am surprised they even lasted this long. I know they’re both weirdos, but Elon gives me HARDCORE narc vibes—as all billionaires do. And you know how we feel about narcs over here at Yeah Right…we hate them! I’m mostly just happy that Grimes will no longer feel obligated to defend Elon when he randomly decides to go on a Twitter rampage about crypto again—which is unfortunately inevitable. It would be kinda fun if this resulted in Grimes’ Joker origin story. Imagine—she releases music so good that Tesla ceases to exist and Elon gets John Lennon’d on live TV. Now that’s a world I want to live in.

Yet, through all of this craziness, Azealia Banks (Grimes’ friend (?) and fellow recording artist), found a way to make this whole situation about her in the most Azealia Banks way possible—

Azealia has had some truly insane takes over the years—many (all?) of which I do not agree with. But I wholeheartedly can get on board with this one! Sorry, Elon. Make those darn songs, ladies!

I’m not a drug guy—which makes me boring AND a loser—but I am truly convinced that MUNA’s Silk Chiffon, featuring Phoebe Bridgers, could be classified as a Schedule II substance (Fentanyl, OxyCotin, etc.) because this shit fucking SLAPS! Inject this song directly into my veins and call me an addict because I am HOOKED! Not to mention, Phoebe makes pink hair look…very hot?

Tap in if you want to experience the “fentanyl” of music…

Somehow, someway, Chris Pratt was gifted another major role. Who keeps giving this guy jobs! Wtf! This time, Chris is voicing everyone’s favorite animated Italian man—Mario (does he have a last name? I feel like he needs one). At the end of the day, I really don’t care about how bad this casting is because this movie is for children. Although, I am truly terrified of how awful Chris’ stocky/animated/Italian man voice will be. Is Chris Pratt even Italian!? Godspeed, Nintendo!

Good GOD! I am SOOOOO TIRED. Please, stop this madness! Last week, J. Cole released his version of Drake’s new song, Pipe Down—

J. Cole, and his fans, make me want to undergo a life-altering ear filling procedure where I purposely go deaf. I don’t think this guy has made good music…ever. I don’t have kids, but if I did, I would play his shitty music to put them to sleep. And I’m not even sure I could legally do that to a child, that’s almost straight-up child abuse.

However, as much as I hate J. Cole’s music, I will always hate his fans more. They ride this man’s dick like he’s going to personally fuck them each time they say some shit like “he went platinum with no features tho!”. He literally titled a song G.O.M.D (Get Off My Dick). You’d think his fans would’ve got the message by now!

I don’t care if he went platinum with no features. I, like a normal person, care if the music is good, not that you corny mf’s streamed it 1,000,000 times! All of this really shouldn’t be news, though. More often than not, his “fans” have pretty shitty taste in music by my own standards. So I really shouldn’t be all that surprised when they (like clockwork) say to me “But have you listened to Forest Hills Drive?”. And my answer to that would be “Yes. They forced me to listen to it during my prison sentence at Guantanamo Bay. It was easily the worst torture they could have given me.

I think I am just upset that J. Cole decided to record an entire music video for a Drake cover. What a dork! Expect more J. Cole slander when his next album comes out…

I watched Dating & New York last week. It was only $5.99 on iTunes, which is quite a steal compared to the average rental price of $15+ for a new movie these days.

Jonah Feingold, the director, touted this as “a rom-com that accurately portrays the nuances of dating in 2021”. Given the influence of dating apps on the dating “scene” over the past 5+ years, I’m happy someone tried to tackle this subject with some accuracy. Although, I was annoyed that “ghosting” played a big part in this film because it really just felt like a personal attack. Thanks for reminding me, Jonah.

Anyways, from what I know, it was quite a journey for Feingold to get this film made. From that end of things, I think it’s cool that he got to make the movie he wanted to make. Now, a question I ask about everything is: “is it perfect?”. As always, the answer is no. But if you love a cheeky, modern rom-com, maybe you’ll enjoy this! It has some really nice cinematography, fun performances from Jaboukie and Francesca Reale, and doesn’t overstay its welcome seeing as though it’s only an hour and 32 minutes. Give it a watch if you wish—or don’t.

Overall: 3/5

Article Of The Week

A lovely story from the author of Cherry, Nico Walker. That’s really all I have to say. Read the damn article, if you want…

Tweets Of The Week

Because I am a taste god™—arguably the only type of god to actually exist—I have curated some of my favorite tweets from the second greatest website on the planet, Twitter dot com. Enjoy—

That’s all for today! Stay tuned for my CIFF coverage later this week. And if you haven’t already, SUBSCRIBE!